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Quagmire
Glenn Quagmire (born Glenn Quagglechek) is the sex-crazed, perverted neighbor of the Griffins. Quagmire is a former ensign of the U.S. Navy, where he met Peter Griffin. In "Meet the Quagmires", it is established that he already knew Peter and his future wife Lois. He currently works as an airline pilot. Quagmire is roughly 5'8" tall in "Blind Ambition" and 61 years old according to his driver's license in "FOX-y Lady", although he recounts a youthful sexual encounter with Tracey Bellings set in 1986 in "A Fistful of Meg". He explains that he makes himself look younger by consuming carrots. Glenn currently resides at 29 Spooner Street, Quahog, Rhode Island. Sexual Behavior If Quagmire could be summed up in just one word, it would be 'pervert'. According to the Las Vegas CD, Quagmire has had sex with at least 600 women. He has a foot fetish. In "Baby Not On Board", Quagmire gets an erection from watching the DirecTV help video. When Cleveland asks if there is anything that does not turn Quagmire on, we find out that the answer is "people who say the word 'rubbish' when they mean 'garbage'." Glenn also occasionally visits the local prison so that he can have sex with the female prisoners in "Breaking Out is Hard to Do". In "Emission Impossible", when Peter and Lois asked Quagmire to watch their kids, he agreed, but began to say, "In accordance with Megan's Law, I'm required to inform you that..." before cutting himself off and accepting the children anyway. This suggests that Quagmire is a registered sex offender. During a stint on The Bachelorette, Quagmire brought Brooke Roberts to his mother's, where he wanted a three-way with them. In "Tiegs for Two", he teaches a class on how to pick up girls. Quagmire also seems to have an affinity with rape because, in "Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?", when Stewie pretends to be a cheerleader, he encounters a gagged cheerleader in the male toilets and appears ready to have sex with her. In "Fore Father", during his attempt to rape a woman from the postal service outside his house, it is revealed that Quagmire's body has built up an immunity to Mace due to it being used on him so many times. Quagmire is also not above date rape, as shown how while being on The Bachelorette in "Brian the Bachelor", where he drugged Brooke's drink and attempted to drag her into a cabana, only to run off with one of her shoes when he realized their date was being filmed. Also in "Stuck Together, Torn Apart", a waiter at a restaurant asked Quagmire if he wanted the usual drink with a roofie, a known date rape drug to his female companion, something that Quagmire denies when he is with Lois, but later orders when he hooked up with Peter's date Jennifer Love Hewitt. Also, in "Baby, You Knock Me Out" he can be seen dragging away the unconscious female boxer that Lois had just fought. His bed, which he dubs the "Holderdowner 5000" in "Valentine's Day in Quahog" is equipped with mechanical arms in order to physically grab, strip and restrain any female in a position ready for sex. His cabin sofa in "It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One" is similarly equipped although it reacts to Peter only when manually controlled with a button on the wall. He also does not seem to care exactly what he has sex with as long as it's a girl and he's happy as in "Barely Legal" in which a giraffe starts to lick him before he realized what was happening and he then chased it away because it wasn't the same giraffe from the previous night However, in "The Thin White Line", Brian detects that he recently had sex with two women and a man. Although Brian does detects the scent of a man whom Quagmire had sex with, Quagmire corrects Brian that he had sex with "Three Filipino women" only to realize that the third was a transsexual. This realization prompts Quagmire to run and cry at the horror of having sex with a transsexual woman. It is also shown that Quagmire also engages in necrophilia; this is shown in such situations as when Death killed Joan in "I Take Thee Quagmire", he asked if he could leave the body with him for 5 minutes, and he is shown jumping out of a coffin half-naked in an uncensored scene in "Airport '07." He once said that if he could be with any woman in the world, he would choose Taylor Hanson, not realizing that Taylor Hanson is actually a guy. Surprisingly, it wasn't until "Family Goy" that he discovered internet porn. Two days later, it is revealed that he masturbates with his left hand. He imagined himself as a condom in "Extra Large Medium", but didn't realize the condom was for 2 gay guys. Despite imagining himself as a condom it is shown that Quagmire doesn't use them when having sex, he has made jokes about this and is even shown to trick women into believing he wears a condom during intercourse in "Airport '07" where he has sex with the airport clerk. Quagmire's habit of unprotected sex may explain why he has multiple sexually-transmitted diseases. Personality Quagmire is often seen saying "all right" while rocking his head back and forwards. Although Quagmire gets along very well with most people, it is revealed in "Jerome Is the New Black" that he dislikes Brian for the following reasons: *He constantly hits on Lois, even when Peter pays for his food and saved him from certain death. *He poops all over the yard as well. According to Quagmire, it adds additional insult to Peter alongside Brian hitting on Lois. *Brian is not trustworthy and never pays for anything, including debts and taxes; when asked to pay, he always remarks that he'll "get you later," but "later" never comes. *Brian pretends to be a deep guy who loves women for their souls when, in reality, he only dates bimbos; Quagmire then admits that he does the same thing, but the difference between him and Brian is that he is at least honest about his goals. *Brian is a terrible writer who he thinks he is superior when all he does is plagiarize others' work off the internet. *Brian has done nothing to help despite his liberal beliefs, except for trying to legalize marijuana. *Brian thinks that he is superior owing to the fact that he drives a Prius. To this end, Quagmire remarks to Brian that "driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ!" *Brian does not believe in religion and looks down on those who do. *Brian acts like an intellectual despite the fact that he has failed college twice. *Brian is a failure as a father and never sees his son. *Finishing his tirade, Glenn tells Brian, "I could forgive all of that - all of it - if you weren't such a bore", indicating that Glenn would still overlook all of Brian's faults were it not for the fact that Glenn considered him "just a sad, alcoholic bore". Ironically, Quagmire has hit on Lois as well, but claims to be honest about dating women for their bodies. What makes Brian and Quagmire's desires towards Lois different is that, while Quagmire is only interested in sex, Brian, as shown in "Play It Again, Brian", believes that he is more deserving of Lois, due to Peter often neglecting his wife for other interests and that they have more things in common. The conflict between him and Brian continues in "Quagmire's Dad" when Quagmire beat Brian for dating his sex-changed father, who wasn't aware of this until Stewie told him just before Quagmire arrived. An angry Brian gets the final word, however, when he says to Quagmire, "I fucked your dad". This went on in "Tiegs for Two", when Brian forced his way into Quagmire's class on having sex, in an attempt to get a date with Denise. However, since Quagmire's techniques were merely for getting laid and not finding love, Brian ends up destroying his and Denise's relationship. Blaming Quagmire, he gets revenge by dating Cheryl Tiegs and taunting Quagmire, who retaliates by dating Jillian. When Quagmire treats the four of them to dinner, Brian claims Quagmire was obese as a child, which sets off a chain of insults between him and Quagmire, causing a fight, making both Jillian and Cheryl dump them. This ends with Brian asking for a ride from Quagmire, who smiles and motions for him to get in, before speeding off before Brian can get in, reversing, and hitting Brian. Since then, whenever the two interact, Quagmire has been very rude to Brian, despite Brian's attempts to be polite, treating Brian like he is much more of a jerk than he really is. It usually ends where Quagmire quickly points out Brian's faults, or Brian inadvertently causes a situation that makes Quagmire hate him even more such as what happened with his 5-year old niece Abby in "Road to the North Pole". It should be noted, however, that before the writers rewrote Quagmire's personality to be nastier towards Brian, Quagmire was actually friendlier with Brian in earlier seasons. It's possible that the real reason that Quagmire no longer likes Brian is because Brian is simply a dog, as Quagmire developed an attraction to cats as demonstrated in "420" and in "Brothers & Sisters". Although his dislike of Brian came to a head in "Jerome Is the New Black", earlier examples of his frustration with Brian include "The King Is Dead" in which Quagmire is jealous that Brian got the lead in The King and I. In "The Man with Two Brians", Stewie upsets a girl that Quagmire is interested in dating, making her cry and run off. Quagmire yells, at Brian as he runs after her. Quagmire has shown a tolerance towards Brian in certain social situations without either of them being mean towards one another, be it Brian at Brenda's intervention in "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q.", Brian being at a party thrown by Quagmire in "The Blind Side", and the two of them playing Laser Tag together in "Forget-Me-Not". However, when Brian dies in "Life of Brian", during his funeral, while everyone pays their respects to him, Quagmire instead watches baseball on his phone.